Revisited …contrib by Dean L.
Just in case you need a laugh: Remember it takes a college degree to fly a plane, but only a high school diploma to fix one…a reassurance to those of us who fly routinely in our jobs.
After every flight, UPS pilots fill out a form, called a ‘gripe sheet,’ which tells mechanics about problems with the aircraft. The mechanics correct the problems, document their repairs on the form, and then pilots review the gripe sheets before the next flight.
Never let it be said that ground crews lack a sense of humor. Here are some actual maintenance complaints submitted by UPS’ pilots (marked with a P) and the solutions recorded (marked with an S) by maintenance engineers.
By the way, UPS is the only major airline that has never, /ever/, had an accident.
Here goes:
P: Left inside main tire almost needs replacement.
S: Almost replaced left inside main tire.
*
P: Test flight OK, except auto-land very rough.
S: Auto-land not installed on this aircraft.
*
P: Something loose in cockpit.
S: Something tightened in cockpit.
*
P: Dead bugs on windshield.
S: Live bugs on back-order.
*
P: Auto pilot in altitude-hold mode produces a 200 feet per minute descent…
S: Cannot reproduce problem on ground.
*
P: Evidence of leak on right main landing gear.
S: Evidence removed.
*
P: DME volume unbelievably loud.
S: DME volume set to more believable level.
*
P: Friction locks cause throttle levers to stick.
S: That’s what friction locks are /for/.
*
P: IFF inoperative in OFF mode.
S: IFF /always/ inoperative in OFF mode.
*
P: Suspected crack in windshield.
S: Suspect you’re right.
*
P: Number 3 engine missing.
S: Engine found on right wing after brief search.
*
P: Aircraft handles funny. (I love this one!):
S: Aircraft warned to straighten up, fly right and be serious.
*
P: Target radar hums.
S: Reprogrammed target radar with lyrics.
*
P: Mouse in cockpit.
S: Cat installed.
*
And the best one for last -
*
P: Noise coming from under instrument panel. Sounds like a midget pounding on something with a hammer.
S: Took hammer away from midget .
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Happy Weekdays Everyone!
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I laughed so hard I fell out of the plane.
Luckily I landed on the marshmallow in Toothsome’s hot chocolate– SPLAT!! : P
Hehehe… and you really are so lucky Mark
Reblogged this on Serendipitous Wisdom and Other Randomness About Life and commented:
LOL I just had to share this. Thank you Andy for posting it.
Thanks Jodie for the re-blogged, I appreciate this a lot… Enjoy your weekdays!
You too.
You’ll love this. I was an Air Force pilot in the 70′s, and this was going around then about a military pilot and the book we had to fill out after a flight. This was great to see again. Thanks for sharing
You’re very welcome Barney
and this is great to know too about your real experience as an Air Force pilot. Thanks for sharing your thoughts about this post and enjoy your weekdays! See you around 
I would love to befriend those mechanics.
You should Teresa
hahaha, Happy weekdays! xoxo
This is really funny
Brilliant .. but I think also Quantas Airlines never had an accident neither. Thanks for a great laughter.
Your’r welcome Viveka and thanks so much for sharing your thoughts too about this post
Enjoy your weekdays!
Thanks for your kind words.
Dolly, thank you for my Manic Monday howl. Loved your post!
You’re very welcome Tracy
Happy weekdays!
Dolly, thank you for my Manic Monday howl. Loved your post!
It’s hard to pick a favorite, but I do plan to use “evidence removed” at the first available opportunity.
By the way, UPS is the only major airline that has never, /ever/, had an accident
If Tom Hanks’ travel coordinator had known that, Castaway might never have happened.
Reblogged this on My story to you.. and commented:
Lol!! Too funny!!
Thanks so much Andy for the re-blogged
Happy weekdays!